Oh the brain fog! Anyone else relate? I have never experienced “brain fog” as it feels like an out of body experience. When I first started on my thyroid replacement, I thought to myself there is no way I can live like this. My mind is starting to be forgetful, spacy and I catch myself staring off into the unknown as I feel nothing or is it peace?
When your diagnosed with any type of cancer, you have to wander and work through loads of questions your mind is flooded with. My journey has been 10+ years in the making and for the last 2 of them, its been a battle to be heard. Could this leave someone with anger? You bet! Those lingering questions hang out there like a widow maker that is still part of its tree yet needs to be address before damage catches someone off guard. Has it spread? Why at 25yrs young do I have to deal with this? Will this change my future? Ya’ll get my drift. Personally I am stuck in “limbo” until my radioactive treatment is completed and body scan done.
I have really started to pursue what this season means for me as a Christian. I look at this as a room I am passing through with a mass amount of corners.
* The impatient corner as to what the future might hold.
* The prideful corners I wish to take back control of my body.
* The Shameful corner in those moments I don’t trust God because lets face it, I’m human and cancer sucks.
These broken and beaten corners of our hearts are some of the most holy places. Its the middle of the loneliness, darkness of sin, in the shadows of shame, that God meets His people and begins to rebuild His temple. Heart by Heart He is constructing and eternal place of worship for me-and you! I have to choose to continuously AWAKE to brokenness. AWAKE to sin. AWAKE to the hurting. AWAKE to the injustice and redemption. AWAKE to love.
CANCER has awaken me to so many things. So, as I’m taking breaths each day, I fight to pray these words.
God of Israel “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I may be free from pain” 1 Chronicles 4:10
Ya’ll- The Lord serves up portions of His presence each day. Do not let anything be wasted. Claim whatever difficult season you are facing. Give it to God. Lean on Him. Trust Him. Go after His heart. I hear the Lord in those hard moments say, JULIE. IM WITH YOU. The day Cancer showed up, God shows up bigger.